The Re-shaping of Goals and Michael Jackson

Sometimes, I want to curl up in a ball in front of a million people watching me. This feeling isn't new to me. In fact, it's grown on me, probably in an unhealthy way.

Hi, I'm Tyler, and I suffer from a lot of problems. It's okay if you don't say "hi" back, I know that this is a one way conversation right now. But I'm not sure how to start this. "This". That's a big word. And I think I'm losing my audience retention because my ADHD keeps typing whatever comes to my brain. See, that's one of my problems. But, if I were to bring these last five sentences full-circle, I would say that probably my biggest problem is that first sentence you read. You know, the one at the beginning? The one where I said I wanted to "curl up in a ball in front of a million people watching me (me)". I don't know wether to call it an irrational fear or a reluctant thought. The idea of curling up in a ball in front of a million people is very strange, I know, but I think you have to dissect why I'm having this problem. I'm sure that if you think about it, you'll realize that you've had this thought cross your mind too.

I want a way out. Of the house I'm living in, of my job, of my stupid habits, of my somewhat boring and semi-terrible life. I don't "want out" in a suicidal way, I want out in a "moving on to bigger and better things" kind of way. Sometimes in my head, I think that the way to do that is by being famous. Isn't that interesting? I'm sure you've had this thought before, but for me, my two options in life are either world-level famousness or being a 9-5 fast food worker. Like a caterpillar, I think as I grow older, I'll grow out of my cocoon.... and eventually get eaten by a bird. But before that bird part, I'll grow up and realize that I have more than just two options. Curly or straight fries. A McChicken or McDouble. Five Guys or In N Out. Sure those are food references, but it goes to show that there's not only two options. I mean Shake Shack is way better than those two in my opinion. 

So what's my shake shack? What's the option, or the options that I haven't thought of yet. Well, that's where curling up into a ball comes in handy. I feel like curling up into a ball is just so awkwardly comforting. It's like you're simultaneously hugging and protecting yourself all in one motion. I've never personally done it before, but it's how I feel often now a days. I want to be myself in front of others. It's very hard to master that trait. We definitely think less of ourselves than we actually are, but I'm tired of thinking that way. Now that's why I want to be famous. And I think after you hear me out, you'll think I'm justified in my reasoning. But before I tell you why, I'd like to tell you a story about another man. A man who, since his birth, was titled as a prodigy and given fame until the day he sadly died. His name: Michael Jackson.

What's your dream? Is it to make a million dollars? Is it to be famous? Is it to make a number one album? Is it to walk into a grocery store and go shopping? Well for Michael Jackson, it was the grocery store one. You can watch the video below, so you can see that I'm not making this up, but Michael Jackson's dream at one point in his life was actually to go grocery shopping. I mean think about it, the man's been famous since he was able to count to A, B, C. His whole life, he's been swarmed by armies of people wanting his autograph, and I can imagine all he'd want was a little peace, and to feel normal. So, it was put together, and Michael was able to go to a grocery store. The store was closed down for the day to the public, and the only people inside were actors and friends and family of Michael, who pretended that they were shopping there too. And he had so much fun! I mean the only time you should be happy when walking down any aisle is if you're a woman who's getting married or the father accompanying your daughter. But Michael enjoyed it. He enjoyed being normal.

That was some tangent, but with it comes a follow-up question: Would anyone in their right mind want to become so famous that they have to rent out a grocery store to feel what it's like to be a normal person? I mean as ridiculous as that question sounds, I don't think anyone would want that. I wouldn't. That's not why I want to be famous. I want to be famous for the money. Not for heaping loads of money, but for enough money to pay for my greatest life wish. So maybe that's exactly what I need to do. Maybe I need to remember that story of Michael Jackson, learn to grow up, but always express how I'm feeling to an audience. That's how I'll make my money, because that's how I see it in my head. I mean they say to follow your intuition, and mine is telling me to just keep working hard. 

I can promise you that if I'm not a hard worker now, then I'll work on it. My goals for wanting to be famous will probably change once reality sets in. But my level of fame is if, for example, this blog eventually could pay for my living expenses. That's it. That's all. I mean it's a fart-fetched dream for a guy who, at this moment in time, has yet to even release his first blog post. But I'll work on it. And my question for you, what are you willing to work on in your life to re shape your goals? For me, I'm going to work on changing my attitude from "I need to be famous and make money" to "I need to grind hard and not expect compensation for my efforts until later". If this isn't a philosophy already, then I call dibs on it. I don't have a name for it yet, but I'll work on it. 

In the meantime, I hope whoever has read this has enjoyed this. This, honestly, was just a rant that I started yesterday to cope with how life is going. I honestly don't know if this made sense in any way shape or form, but like a man who's failed to find a proper metaphor for this saying, I hope you catch my drift, and I'll talk to y'all later. Peace!